There is enough pain in the world & in our lives in the form of separation, betrayal, rejection & so on. Yet, it is surprising that people prefer to talk and discuss more about such matters. By talking more about the pain, we are refusing to let ourselves get over it. We are just spreading the negativity of the pain, to the people whom we speak to. Contrarily, if we speak more about the happy moments and happy times with the people gone or focus more on the people who are still with us, around us, the grief will wane.
Limit the grief
How would it be different, if we spoke about the pleasant times that we shared with the person gone? Instead of wailing in grief about the loss, how about being thankful about the presence of this person in our life? It’s difficult for someone who is mourning the loss of a loved one to do this. But the next time, you are consoling someone who is devastated; remind them about all the good moments that were shared between them.
Majority of us have suffered separation at some point of time in our lives, either in the wake of death or maybe a break up. The most common reaction to a separation is obviously grief. It is a rare occurrence to find someone expressing gratitude for having had such people cross their paths. However, that is one of the most sincere ways to express your love for that person.
Forgiving oneself
Yes it is painful to move on with your life, when you have lost someone who meant so much to you. Betrayal & infidelity are unpleasant experiences to deal with. Maybe it was a mistake to trust someone so much and so easily. Maybe you were too naïve & vulnerable for someone to be able to cheat on you. But that is not a crime. We are humans and each of us makes mistakes. But we have to forgive ourselves for it and move on. You may feel like giving up on your life, due to that one person who gave up on you. But what about all those others who still are with you, and are a part of your life, be it your parents, your siblings or your friends. Don’t you owe it to them to be content and be well? Would you keep sulking for the one who chose to leave you or would you rather appreciate and be grateful for the people who are still there for you?
Goodbyes are unavoidable
Death is unavoidable. One of the harsh realities of life is that there will be goodbyes. There is no escaping it. We have no choice but to deal with the loss of loved ones, owing to advanced age or sickness or some other reasons. A loved one would always want your happiness, no matter what the circumstances are. Suffering is not the only way to prove your love for someone. To follow the principles that they believed or to live with the values that they taught you and carrying on their legacy is the best way to prove your love.
Choose gratitude over grief
Having said this, grieving for the loss of a loved one, is a right that cannot be negated. Nonetheless, to keep ourselves drowned in the same, to be immersed in the self-pity of how someone has treated us and to keep going over it again and again in our minds, or with people around us is uncalled for. While we are deprived the presence of maybe one person, we should be grateful for the numerous other people who still are a part of our life. Thankfulness is the key to everything. Being grateful for someone’s presence in our life, is the simplest way of acknowledging the importance of that person. Showing gratitude for the presence of a person, no matter how long that presence lasted, is the best way to remember a person and show your love for them.
Divert your grief into something constructive. Get involved in a charity or social service, pursue a hobby or even a thing or two related to what the lost one loved. Keep the memories alive in the form of poetries, stories, paintings and if you think you are not the creative types, then just write a few lines in the memory of the loved one. It is okay even if it is the shabbiest stuff that you have written, it will be still be heartfelt and something that will help you overcome the pain.
Stay strong, remember that person with in a pleasant way and shower the same adulation on the people who still are a part of your lives. In the process of mourning the loss of someone who is gone, don’t forget to appreciate the ones who are there for you. Take care of them lest you lose them too.
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